Between Storms

The title hints of personal Sturm und Drang but I actually am referring to the recent weather, mostly. Sisters visit was very nice. A bit rushed because Pat and her boyfriend got in on Saturday and Andrea and Rennie had to leave Sunday. We managed a low key dinner Saturday night with four guests.

Pat's new boyfriend tries very hard to impress with all the things he's done, places he's been and people he knows. He tripped up on himself with some facts which didn't check out. But by the end of the four day visit I was starting to like him. He has spent chunks of his life as a professional hunting and fishing tour operator. My nephew's take on his stories: He's a fisherman. Things get exaggerated! I am trying to be less judgmental and kinder. On the *other* other hand, I suspect he's a Republican and he said something pretty homophobic. I took that as the opportunity to inform him I'm bisexual....

Andrew is going on a play date Friday. I want to make sure I am doing something to distract me. Kabuki, anyone?
Oh, and we are going to host a reunion of the old jugglers on Feb 27th.

Something is finally happening to the condos in the Bahamas. The guy who's buying the unit under us got the locks changed. Hoping the outgoing couple leave without much more damage or drama.

Stuff

Tonight is one of the nights in which Andrew is doing poly type stuff. He's going to a group photo shoot at a studio. I didn't ask for details but the last one he went to was last year around this time and my guess it's the same. A "scene" which is to be rehearsed tonight before people who have paid to photograph. And later on they will do the 'scene' again in front of paying customers. Last year I went along with him. It was on Valentine's night and I thought the whole thing was very strange and very much not my cup of tea.

I don't know whether to call what he's doing tonight poly. Certainly it is bdsm stuff with other women involved. He won't be directing the action, just being a voyeur. What do you think, poly?

Oh, and when I told him I had started a blog to which he is not invited he was fairly bent out of shape. He's convinced I will paint him in a bad light. That's not my intention at all and I don't think I have. There is nothing here I wouldn't or haven't said before him. It's not my intention to be devisiive, but I do feel better that I have a personal ground for saying stuff.

I'm still somewhat under the weather. I'm about 80% back to normal. Tomorrow Marina and Andrea arrive. M will be here for ten days. Pat and her boyfriend come on Friday and we'll have a gathering here Saturday night. Andrea's husband also comes Friday and those two leave next Sunday.

Whadda I wanna be now that I'm a grown up?

Have a cold settling in in my chest and head. Not fun but could be worse. Hey, I could be Haiti!

Feeling somewhat at loose ends. I realize one of my failings is being commitment phobic. I do have things which intrigue or interest me which I want to pursue. But I never seem to get around to doing them. Hmmm. Is it my increasing computer addiction? My stay-at-home instinct? Just plain laziness?

For instance, I want to learn either glass blowing or do metal work. Now, both of these areas involve working with smelly hot stuff which is a turn off.

Or volunteering in classrooms for kids struggling with reading. I'd really like to help with adult literacy but couldn't find any programs around here.

I used to volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. Liked it, but the full 8 hr day is daunting. And they tend to give non-skilled work only to the volunteers.

Sometime I think I should go back to school and get a teaching certificate. But that seems very daunting. Also, I think Andrew would be resentful of how much that would take out of me and therefore our life as we know it.

Maybe I just need a big kick in the butt.

Aftermath and Anticipation

Trip is over and I'm very glad. On Wednesday, Marina and I were driving to Portland to visit Juliette, my niece. She's doing 20 yrs in prison for a violent robbery she did as a meth user. That's another story for another post some time.

On the drive, my car acted weird after hydroplaning. Triple A towed us back to Eugene. I highly recommend the premium road service - that tow would have been near $600 without it! Turned out the computer needed to be replaced. I was just under the 80,000 miles/ 8 yr warranty at 79, 780 miles. Yay!

So I was able to drive home yesterday. Got a ride into Eugene at 7AM with my brother in law. Picked up my car, drove back out to the country to their house and shuffled out. About an hour into the trip, my sister called to say I had left my suitcase at her house. I had a bunch of other stuff which I had loaded up, but spaced out on my clothes! Well, luckily, she's coming here Feb 1 and I can pay her to bring it down. But that's gonna be a hassle for her with her arm.

Then, near Redding, I saw a slew of cars pulled to the side by CHP. Soon I was one of them. There had been an air targeting radar and I was clocked at doing 79 in a 65 zone. Naughty me....Cop was very nice, I was nice, too. He wrote it up as 10 over. As Andrew said, cheaper than a new transmission which I what I thought I was facing with the car.

Andrew and I went out for dinner in the hood. Sat at the bar with another local couple and had lots of laughs. Came home to Ian jamming with four other guys in our dining room.
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Before leaving, I suggested to Andrew that he'd be free to schedule play while I was out of town. He couldn't make that happen on such short notice but has begun negotiating play with two women, one in Feb, one in March. And he's going to another photo shoot next week.

I am trying not to over react here. The reason I had suggested it for when I'm gone is that I hate the anticipation and am often miserable when he's actually out with someone else. That's so much easier if I'm out of town. And now I have two dates to anticipate and I'll likely be here during both 'dates'. Suckage.

Help me out here, ladies...Am I out of whack?

Up in Eugene. Uneventful but long drive yesterday. It's cold, foggy and damp. Marina's garden is in hibernation mode. I sort of forget about that since much of my SF garden in a year round thing. Paul and Marina have three cats so I have to be on cat allergy pills. Want to get back before Dan's arrival on Friday night. Party Saturday will be low key, I'm thinking.

M and I watched a video of the type of arthroscopic rotator cuff surgery she just had. Yikes!

I'd love it if I could get Andrew or even Kym to join me in our garden. I've discovered I enjoy tasks so much more if I have company. The other person doesn't actually have to do anything. Their mere presence suffices.
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Artists I want to add to my iTunes:
Chicago
Joan Baez
Cat Stevens
Judy Collins
David Grey


I feel torn about downloading music and movies, tv. I guess if I stick to stuff I had originally bought( in vinyl or even cassettes, VHS) I can justify it.

Kink status check-in.

I'm still working on adjusting my attitude about Andrew's need for kink play and the whole poly scene.

Last winter, my sister Marina suggested I try giving Andrew the go-ahead to play with people within parameters I'd establish and give him carte blanche. (Part of my problem has been the anticipation of what he's doing and knowing about the set up, etc. ) I tried and it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. But ultimately it still boils down to my feeling hurt that I am not enough for him. Sometimes it feels like he's kicked me in the stomach when I think of him playing with other women. It's not sex, per se. He keeps his clothes on per my rules (And I'm the submissive here?) But the whole kink scene is quintessentially sexual to each of us.

Tomorrow I'm off to visit Marina again.I told him he could make arrangements to play with someone again while I'm out of town. We shall see how it goes.

I still miss getting oral sex, too. And kissing the way I like. Then again, my libido is not in high gear since I reached menopause. We still have sex 2-5 a week, which I think is plenty for a couple who have been together more than 25 years.

Tricky neighbors

So the whole Bahamas thing is - difficult. Mostly because of our alcoholic neighbor, Cheri. She married an illiterate unemployed Bahamian guy who is around 15 yrs her junior. Dwayne is another alcoholic and drug user to boot. Cheri is a drama queen par excellence. She is more than a year behind in paying the monthly condo assessment fees and her mortgages are being foreclosed on. Another neighbor whom we like is in the process of buying her out. He's getting a very good deal on buying her smaller unit and found someone to buy the bigger one, too.

So Cheri and Dwayne are gonna be homeless soon. I really don't want that to happen. None of us do. But I am also tired of all the shit. They scream at each other often. It is not pleasant to be around. It's not nice to go on vacation to be awakened by drunks yelling at each other, no matter how sad their life is. We have stopped renting out our apartment to not inconvenience our guests. So now not only is the condo association in financial doo-doo, we are losing money personally because of her.

Sorry, Cheri. But we all told you not to marry him. Try stopping drinking, move back to the US to live near your daughter and her kids, why don't cha?

Dwayne can't get a job or he doesn't want to. She can't hold down a job, even though she wants to. But this is untenable and I can't wait for her to be out of there.