Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-changes!

After more than five years living in our street level flat, K is moving down the street. She found a small house to rent and will share it with a long term friend of hers. There is little doubt that she is fed up with being surrounded by our energy, noise, etc. We believe we are thoughtful neighbors, rarely having late nights, loud noises, etc. But this house was not built like an apartment building and every day noises travel downwards. My washing machine drives her crazy, for instance. Apparently she had mentioned before that we seem to slam our back door and it rattles her dishes. (The door used to be hard to close and we all tend to be firm with it to be sure; otherwise it blows open.) Et cetera, etc, etc.

All kinds of issues come up with this, not the least of which is younger son's small business ventures which entail visitors arriving for short visits and test drives down on the lower deck. And the music he produces and or listens to many hours daily. He's actually very respectful of time limits and noise issues. But there are random people coming and going around here often. K is amazingly good about all of this and she gets along beautifully with both our sons.

But -

It will not be easy to find a simpatico new tenant. Andrew has shown the unit (still inhabited) to someone he works with and her husband. I don't think they were that interested. Personally, I feel it's too small for most couples. Ostensibly it could be billed as two bedrooms if the big room functioned as living room/ dining/ kitchen.

An ideal tenant would be one person with a job which occupies much of their time. Even better would be someone who listens to their own music or TV and isn't noise sensitive to ours. Again, I think we are relatively quiet but the house actually shakes when people come down the stairs, we use our washer and dryer fairly often (at decent times), we do entertain some.

Andrew's style as landlord is decidedly different from mine (and K's). He values being strictly business, I value being friends with my neighbors. K had problems with this and essentially stopped interacting with him a while ago. She and I get along fine and I actually think her moving down the street will improve our friendship some. She's a child psychologist which has been very useful around here with the changing family dynamics.

She moved in just as we were moving to the Bahamas. Older son was expected to be finishing high school with an adult living here. That did not go as planned. I ended up backing and forthing and eventually younger son also came back. Then Andrew returned. Then we remodeled the basement to regain a bedroom. Now the street level unit is completely surrounded by our family. She no longer feels comfortable using the hot tub or lower deck because our bedroom is right there. I have tried to assure her that's not an issue with us, because it truly isn't.

In many ways, the unit is more like an in-law than the legal separate flat that it is.

This is gonna be a sticky wicket. Ironically, Andrew doesn't seem at all fazed.

Money Woes

Not us per se. Dan. This last year he has shared a three bedroom apt with a slew of other students. Officially it was six ppl but my guess is on any given night there were 8 or 9 people. Dan is the oldest, found the place and took care to get the rent in, pay utilities, etc. The other kids were flaky for the most part. He is not comfortable as a disciplinarian or 'heavy'. In fact, one of the guys borrowed over $1000 from him pretty early on and left before the lease was up shorting out two months of rent plus what he already owed Dan. Another guy is a few months in arrears although it is supposedly coming next week when the student loans come in.

Dan has learned his lesson in that he now seems to get it that you don't loan money you can't easily kiss goodbye. "Neither borrower nor lender be", the motto at Bob's Bank (thanks, Garrison.)

Plus in general Dan is not a good money manager. Last time he was here Andrew took time to make him learn Quicken. So now he can keep better records. But Andrew and I are paying for everything and it's an expensive place. There is basically no way Dan could hold down a job and go to this school full time. Last week alone he spent over 50 hrs of active studio time and that is just for one class (out of two).

And then he totaled his car. We aren't replacing it. That's going to make things tougher for him but cheaper for all of us. He and his friend have found a cheaper one bdrm apt closer to the two campuses. Dan has a bike and his friend has a car and Dan can pitch in for gas when they do stuff together. (Brooks tells students they need a car because they are lugging big equipment around all over for assignments.)

I end up as intermediary between father and son. Son hates asking for money and father doesn't get that son can't live within a budget. When Andrew was a student, apparently he tracked every penny he spent! I feel that I wasn't very good at teaching responsible money handling to either kid, although Ian seems to manage okay. (Mind you, he's held down a job for over two years. He is quitting now because his school work load will get heavy in a few weeks.)

Libido

So. I brought it up that my libido is not what it used to be. Andrew took it kind of personally that somehow that means I find him less appealing. That is not the case and I tried to make that clear. What I said was we have a steady sex life (2-5 x a week) and that's enough for me. He finds this a sorry thing; I don't.

He brought up HRT. I said I have no need for it and do not feel compelled.

Thoughts from you, ladies?

Status report

Andrew is bummed. His favorite play partner's partner has put an end to any more play. His partner J is a woman who is married to another woman, S. According to Andrew, S is negative on male doms. I know J also recently had to stop seeing another male dom.

Adding to his woes, his job has undergone a switch and he's less than tickled with the work he's doing now.

I have been doing a lot of gardening and related work. In the last two weeks I have filled more than 25 of those tall yard waste bags! Lots of it was oxalis which will be a bit slowed down from its haircut but next year will be back like gangbusters.

I have to rebuild the stairs from the deck to the garden and that is instigating some related concrete work. I want to create a patio down in the middle section. I cleared it out a lot and as it's one of the flattest areas we have, putting in a patio there shouldn't be too hard. The worst will be schlepping all the materials down there. Will have to hire help.

Had a nice party with Ian's friends last night. There are several musicians among them and we enjoyed live music, some of which was original.

Tomorrow, another scene based person arrives for a 5 day visit. T is one person Andrew hasn't had the opportunity to play with although she's very high on his list! But now she's got a new boyfriend who we will meet tomorrow. They live in MN.

Having a party for our juggler friends on Saturday.

Between Storms

The title hints of personal Sturm und Drang but I actually am referring to the recent weather, mostly. Sisters visit was very nice. A bit rushed because Pat and her boyfriend got in on Saturday and Andrea and Rennie had to leave Sunday. We managed a low key dinner Saturday night with four guests.

Pat's new boyfriend tries very hard to impress with all the things he's done, places he's been and people he knows. He tripped up on himself with some facts which didn't check out. But by the end of the four day visit I was starting to like him. He has spent chunks of his life as a professional hunting and fishing tour operator. My nephew's take on his stories: He's a fisherman. Things get exaggerated! I am trying to be less judgmental and kinder. On the *other* other hand, I suspect he's a Republican and he said something pretty homophobic. I took that as the opportunity to inform him I'm bisexual....

Andrew is going on a play date Friday. I want to make sure I am doing something to distract me. Kabuki, anyone?
Oh, and we are going to host a reunion of the old jugglers on Feb 27th.

Something is finally happening to the condos in the Bahamas. The guy who's buying the unit under us got the locks changed. Hoping the outgoing couple leave without much more damage or drama.

Stuff

Tonight is one of the nights in which Andrew is doing poly type stuff. He's going to a group photo shoot at a studio. I didn't ask for details but the last one he went to was last year around this time and my guess it's the same. A "scene" which is to be rehearsed tonight before people who have paid to photograph. And later on they will do the 'scene' again in front of paying customers. Last year I went along with him. It was on Valentine's night and I thought the whole thing was very strange and very much not my cup of tea.

I don't know whether to call what he's doing tonight poly. Certainly it is bdsm stuff with other women involved. He won't be directing the action, just being a voyeur. What do you think, poly?

Oh, and when I told him I had started a blog to which he is not invited he was fairly bent out of shape. He's convinced I will paint him in a bad light. That's not my intention at all and I don't think I have. There is nothing here I wouldn't or haven't said before him. It's not my intention to be devisiive, but I do feel better that I have a personal ground for saying stuff.

I'm still somewhat under the weather. I'm about 80% back to normal. Tomorrow Marina and Andrea arrive. M will be here for ten days. Pat and her boyfriend come on Friday and we'll have a gathering here Saturday night. Andrea's husband also comes Friday and those two leave next Sunday.

Whadda I wanna be now that I'm a grown up?

Have a cold settling in in my chest and head. Not fun but could be worse. Hey, I could be Haiti!

Feeling somewhat at loose ends. I realize one of my failings is being commitment phobic. I do have things which intrigue or interest me which I want to pursue. But I never seem to get around to doing them. Hmmm. Is it my increasing computer addiction? My stay-at-home instinct? Just plain laziness?

For instance, I want to learn either glass blowing or do metal work. Now, both of these areas involve working with smelly hot stuff which is a turn off.

Or volunteering in classrooms for kids struggling with reading. I'd really like to help with adult literacy but couldn't find any programs around here.

I used to volunteer at Habitat for Humanity. Liked it, but the full 8 hr day is daunting. And they tend to give non-skilled work only to the volunteers.

Sometime I think I should go back to school and get a teaching certificate. But that seems very daunting. Also, I think Andrew would be resentful of how much that would take out of me and therefore our life as we know it.

Maybe I just need a big kick in the butt.