Not Yet Dead

(Monty Python/ Spamalot quote)

Just reread my last posting and realized there is oh so much more drama now. I think everyone who follows this sporadic blog also saw my FB comments about Ian in rehab. If you want more details, I can email them to you in encapsulated letter form.

Let's assume then that you now know Ian completed one semester at Musicians Institute in Hollywood. He was living with a girl he met immediately before going down there. It was a highly codependent drug fueled relationship. Now he's back in NorCal in a 28 day program up in Santa Rosa. Last week he expressed gratitude to us for placing him there and getting him clean/ sober.

But now there is back sliding and I am worried.He says he wants to return home, get a job, (staying clean and sober while at home) and then get enough money to get his own place and then smoke weed again. This is against everything he is hearing from every professional in the addiction field. He still maintains that he's not an addict by some definitions.

I am naturally more pessimistic than Andrew. Wish it were otherwise, but it is what it is. I fear that he's going to get hooked up again the very bad drugs he was using.

In the mean time, Andrew has decided to give up booze. Some friends are asking me to question why I am going on the wagon. My reasons: 1) I have a tendency to overdo the drinking myself 2) it would be hard on Andrew if I still drank 3) keeping a clean and sober living environment for Ian when he's back here.

Last night I dreamed that I inadvertently drank champagne at a party --out of a Styrofoam glass to boot! It was amusing really. But I felt so bad that I had broken the agreement to remain sober.

Andrew has promised Ian to go to AA meetings together. In fact Andrew and I have gone to two so far up at the program in Santa Rosa. Andrew found one at the local kink place and he's attending tonight after work. Maybe he's hoping to find some potential play partner there...